when it rains, it pours.

I can feel everything just slipping, sliding down.

my negative tone continues to grow, and lately I don't really care. I don't want to try and make things all good and just peachy because that's just not how I feel.

Lately I just feel mean and annoying.

I feel bugged and very rude.

I would rather just sleep.

And dream of things I can't have, and go to places I'll never see.

And I could always see my two old bestfriends. One who clearly has completely abandoned me, only me, and the other I couldn't tell you where the fuck he might be.

And I'm so sorry, my negative pours out all over your sensitive little self. 

I treat you like crap, over and over and over. And why? 

I don't know.

Do I care?

I don't know.

I feel badly every time I hear the tone in your voice sink lower into a something miserable. And I do hate to be the cause of it. 

I hit you when you are hurt. I hear your complaints and I am the only one who could make your spirits lift, but I don't even try.

Maybe I am just disfunctional.

Maybe I just don't even know how to love a person besides my disgusting self.

Maybe I am just really self centered and am at a period in my life that I really could not care any less.

I do care. So maybe I am simply just a liar.

I lie.

But:

I am so angry with you.

I am so annoyed and fed up with you.

Kiss my hand again.

I don't really think your opinion matters.

come back!! PLEASE!

honestly, Luke, you are the only person I have wanted to actually talk to in the longest time. Even if it was just for five minutes, I would give anything to just let everything out on you. 

WHY AREN'T YOU HERE?

I ask to many questions that will always remain unanswered.

Why do I do that?