I'm Settled.

with Katy Conti

with Marco San Filippo

with Kyle Holden

with Anabel Englund

with and without Luke O'Halloran

why my blogs feel the need to go out of order?

finals tomorrow, suck ass.

just you just you just you just you

I am dirty, used, and pathetic.

but I have loved and in return have been loved equally, if not more.

The past has past. No place to go but forward. 

right?

But I still can't help but visit.

visit the feeling of old, dead.

but it some how still manages to give me warmth and happiness and I feel welcomed back there.

What could be better than feeling welcome in your life??

CA to NC, or FL, or whatever.

it's been going on for over the past 6 years or so, talk to leaving.

I guess I am ready to go. It's not set but it seems to be more of a yes. My friends are already devastated and I feel for them, but I am sure a few of them wouldn't mind leaving either. I see Chelsea and hear her voice and how happy she actually is across the country, a complete change. 

but maybe I don't want to change everything.

I have so many perfect things here. Things I would want to bring with me, people I would want to take with me.

I would hate to leave about...four of them behind. Another one if he ever decides to come back.

but what is left here? The graduates of 2010 will be going away to college, it won't be highschool anymore. 

So whether I am here or not, in every place there will be drastic changes. 

Things have been changing since last year.

Luke disappears without a word.

Chelsea moves across country.

boy after boy after boy, until Marco is here to stay.

What will happen when I'm gone?

It's still not set in stone, my parents wanting to move well yes, that is set in stone.

Senior year. A new school. A new state. A new life?

That's tough, who knows if I can handle it. And I'm not really the type of person to be able to handle things. (People who have seen or heard me cry know what I'm all about.)

I'll go, but I won't really be leaving.

Thank You,

All the boys before him, and the few after him.

You have all helped me see the unforgivable flaws and hurt and the pain that he will not bring me.

You helped me mature and find something and someone true.

Thank you: 

Jason Herwill

Kyle Sullada

Ryan Terry

and Christian Nussey

the rest don't even seem to matter. My mind and heart is set on you. 

well well well,

no love in this house.

You ask me why I am so negative, and why I do the things that I do?

You ask why I am bitter and kiss boy after boy after boy?

well why not ask dear old mom and dad.

Some just wouldn't understand.