Dear Self,

I continuously torture myself..no...not physically. Mentally? Emotionally? I like riding my idiotic roller coaster. Where the ups and downs seem to balance out. But the downs just make me feel sick.

I take love when I need it and even when I don't, from anyone who is willing..even those who really aren't, they just can't help themselves.

I always wonder whether anything I write even makes sense.

I will pause for an hour and write more and I seem to tangle my words and contradict myself.

I really don't know anymore.

Everyone is confusing. Everyone is confused.

You can no longer be a pussy cat.

yeah.

I don't really know what exactly it is that I want.

I want to get away, but I really want to stay.

I want complete opposites to join together and be mine.

I crave variety, but I need things to stay the same.

Things are about to change.

A complete explosion of differences.

"Get ready Hayley, it's time to grow up."

the musical talents of...

nothing is real.

Sometimes I wish that I could have a friend who would always be there to talk to.

A friend who won't ignore my texts, my calls.

Or when I am having a texting conversation with them they don't just stop texting me back.

For once I would like a friend who doesn't think they are better than I am, or think I am better than them.

Someone to invite me, someone to include me.

And once these things are done..stick to them.

It is the worst when you are folding your oldest, most dearest pair of brown cords when you notice that they are somewhat see through.

They are wearing thin.

Soon a hole will begin to form. And then my butt will show.

Is it bad that I am very very upset about this...

It's almost time to sew in a patch..

The Taste is Bland.

I am all you want me to be.

Plus a little extra sass and attitude.

And making you feel like I really don't care.

And don't forget the bizarre things I say, the strange noises I make.

Whatever it is you want me for, I'll be that for you.

I'm anyones cup of personalized bland tea.

And I'm alright with that.

Am I even relevant to you anymore?

You're on the phone with your girlfriend, She's upset
She's going off about something that you said
She doesnt get your humour like I do
I'm in the room, its a typical Tuesday night
I'm listening to the kind of music she doesnt like
And she'll never know your story like I do
But she wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts
She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers
Dreaming bout the day when you wake up and find
That what you're lookin for has been here the whole time
If you could see that I'm the one who understands you
Been here all along so why can't you see?
You belong with me
You belong with me
Walkin the streets with you in your worn out jeans
I cant help thinking this is how it ought to be
Laughing on the park bench thinkin to myself
Hey isnt this easy?
And you've got a smile that could light up this whole town
I havent seen it in awhile, since she brought you down
You say you find I know you better than that
Hey, Whatcha doing with a girl like that?
She wears high heels, I wear sneakers
She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers
Dreaming bout the day when you wake up and find
That what you're looking for has been here the whole time
If you could see that I'm the one who understands you
Been here all along so why can't you see?
You belong with me
Standin by, waiting at your back door
All this time how could you not know that?
You belong with me
You belong with me
Oh I remember you driving to my house in the middle of the night
I'm the one who makes you laugh when you know you're about to cry
I know your favorite songs and you tell me about your dreams
I think I know where you belong. I think I know it's with me.
Can't you see that I'm the one who understands you?
Been here all along so why can't you see?
You belong with me
Standing by or waiting at your back door
All this time how could you not know that
You belong with me
You belong with me
Have you ever thought just maybe
You belong with me
You belong with me

Kaitlin,

Remember that one blog that you thought was about Anabel?

The one saying she is a bitch? And a bad friend?

That wasn't about her.

It was about you.

I guess you really don't see how you are very different.

Your old friends are seeing you in a different light now, not a fresh golden one, but a dull greying one.

Do you know how disappointing that is for us?!

Because I don't think you do.

let's go back to the way things were.

You wear your mask.

I'll wear my shield.

Just because you left and said goodbye
Do you think that I will sit and cry
Even if my heart should tell me so
Darling I would rather let you go

Just because you think that you're so smart
Going around and breaking lovers hearts
Before I let this thing happen to me
Darling I would rather swim the sea

I know you think you're smart
Just going around breaking lovers hearts

Just because I want someone who's kind
With a heart as good and pure as mine
But maybe I am asking far too much
Darling please don't ever break my heart

I know you think you're smart
Just going around breaking lovers hearts

Just because I want someone who's kind
With a heart as good and pure as mine
But maybe I am asking far too much
Darling please don't ever break my heart

very subtle, very stupid

Am I destined to follow in those dreadful footsteps?

With no trust and no helping it?

With excuses, lies.

Feeling hopeless and useless. Having the feeling of being suffocated..by myself.

What. Is. Wrong. With. Me.

Last night I had a dream about...the great..the gorgeous...Edward Norton.

Basically I was in some sort of department store and saw him and went over to him and started a conversation he seemed interested so I suggested that we go back to his place and...you know what.

And he said yeah. And we left the store and we could barely contain ourselves as soon as we got out of the store he picked me up and I put my legs around him and we started kissing each other passionately then I car drove by us and I woke up.

But Man....man oh man..

so la la la la la la la, and in this crazy life and through these crazy times

I take back what I said in the last blog.

Sometimes a poem is the perfect way to describe what is happening in your life, unless it just sucks than there really is no hope for you!