that's what you get when you let your heart win........

so I have come back, it's weird writing something when I haven't been on for like four weeks. I guess also I never really wanted to express any feelings out in the open.

but what the hell, here goes nothing.

1. To quote John Mayer I'm In Repair.

2. I'm mad that people just decide to not like me, I really don't understand how people can do that. Like it's unfair. Really, normally I wouldn't care but COME ON!

3. you, yes you, make everything so difficult, you say things to me and my heart beats faster and slower at the same time. Then when I think you might be serious, you just might be there to stay, you vanish, again. Why am I still not used to that? You have been doing it since freshman year and still, I can't handle that. I'm thinking I should just stay away, but it's just to hard.

4. For once I am thankful that the drama seems to all be gone...for now.

5. I really like my school friends. I do. I'm glad I do get to see some nice faces while I am in prison.

6. I love my Katy Conti, she's my bestfriend and I'm stupid and she is great, most people like her better than me and I wouldn't have it any other way.

7. I need a youth group, ASAP.

8. I miss marco.

9. I miss weekends with Kyle and Anabel. I love them. I love them. I love them.

10. I MISS ALL THE PEOPLE I USED TO MAKE FUN OF!

11. where my indies at?

12. why do I have to be so stupid?

13. Im gonna miss Hailey when she leaves me school.

14. All I do now, is read. I read and read and read and then, I read some more.

15. I keep having awful dreams with people dying, people telling me they hate me, Christian Nussey being a complete asshole to me(more than usual), I hate dreams like that.

16. I miss the kung fu corner, OK!

17. I need to be ungrounded.

18. NEED TO BE.

19. because...you see....

20. my birthday is coming up, I need to see some human life forms that I haven't in so long. 

I give up on being the bad seed, the rebel, the naughty girl, ok I didn't ever really try for that but I mean I guess I did it, can't I make it all go away now?

push it far away from me? be good for once? be the good child? is that even possible? are all these questions rhetorical? why oh why?????