"where does the good go?"

Once upon a time there was a girl. She had a little bob hair cut and had a round face and lots of friends.

Once upon a time there was a girl. She had long blonde hair and three close friends. Other girls. Bratty girls. All with long hair.

Once upon a time there was a girl. She cut most of her long blonde hair off. She had two bestfriends. A short girl who caused trouble and a gay boy with lots of curly hair. She also had a boyfriend. He had blonde hair too.

Once upon a time there was a girl. Her hair was at an awkward length and it was also yellow. She had some friends. A new gay boy and a confident girl. Boyfriends came and went.

Once upon a time there was a girl. Her hair was growing out. She had three best friends. A girl with ever changing hair, a girl with blonde hair and bangs, and a girl with brown skin and dark hair. They all had their nose pierced except her. Boyfriends came and went.

Once upon a time there was a girl. Her hair was getting longer and looked natural. The girl with ever changing hair remained. A new gay boy came. A beautiful girl with him. And soon after a serious boyfriend.

Once upon a time there was a girl. Her hair was her own. Serious Boyfriend. Week long friends. She had many best friends. They were all bound and filled with words.

Lord of the Rings: Return of the King

I wonder if anyone will even care what I have to say anymore.

It's kind of as if I don't really care though either, I just say it, to say it. Or write it to write it.

My last post of at the beginning of this school year?

Oh have things have changed!

Where did my friends go? Who really knows?

And my boyfriend still is...well....my boyfriend.

And it turns out, the way I write appeals to people. Of all shapes and sizes. 

"Why don't you write in your blog anymore?" 

insecurity? impatient? is there a word for "I just stopped caring"?

But let's strike this whole song and dance up again. 

Welcome back.

is this really?

my last year of highschool?

still at westlake?

oh wow.

this is what it's all about.

I don't see what anyone can see in anyone else.

You make me feel like I'm just not good enough

like you could find someone so much better?

I sort of feel like you are pitying me.

but I honestly can't picture myself with anyone but you.

so why do I feel like this?

sorry that I'm not what you want. 

but I love you. if that's any consolation. 

if you're new to fight club, you have to fight.

it's time to work.

time to work harder than before.

nothing is good if you don't work your hardest on it right?

no matter what it is.

But there are some of those days that I wish I could scream, I wish I could be right, you tear me up inside sometimes I just want to hit you and scream and shove my feelings down your throat the same way you shove your feelings down mine. 

fuck you. 

fuck you.

love me..

love me..

And there are those days, those hours, those minutes, those seconds where I feel the utter love that we are both shoving at each other. And it's nice.

It's really nice.

I just wish it would last, I wish it wasn't sometimes forced when we see the lines on each others faces go down so we try to bring them up again with forced kisses and forced silly faces.

I am happy with you.

I am sad with you.

I laugh with you.

I cry with you.

why are you so fucking bipolar?

soooo fuckingggg bipolarrrrrr.

but I love you. and that's all that even matters right?

RIGHT?

ps, -I miss thinking about you.

-I miss you living down the street.

-I love having a book club and an amazing friendship with you.

-I want our friendship to be better.

-I want you to be happy, so so happy, because I know your not.

-I want us.

show me your sorrows

I can finally breathe.