I don't see what anyone can see in anyone else.

You make me feel like I'm just not good enough

like you could find someone so much better?

I sort of feel like you are pitying me.

but I honestly can't picture myself with anyone but you.

so why do I feel like this?

sorry that I'm not what you want. 

but I love you. if that's any consolation. 

if you're new to fight club, you have to fight.

it's time to work.

time to work harder than before.

nothing is good if you don't work your hardest on it right?

no matter what it is.

But there are some of those days that I wish I could scream, I wish I could be right, you tear me up inside sometimes I just want to hit you and scream and shove my feelings down your throat the same way you shove your feelings down mine. 

fuck you. 

fuck you.

love me..

love me..

And there are those days, those hours, those minutes, those seconds where I feel the utter love that we are both shoving at each other. And it's nice.

It's really nice.

I just wish it would last, I wish it wasn't sometimes forced when we see the lines on each others faces go down so we try to bring them up again with forced kisses and forced silly faces.

I am happy with you.

I am sad with you.

I laugh with you.

I cry with you.

why are you so fucking bipolar?

soooo fuckingggg bipolarrrrrr.

but I love you. and that's all that even matters right?

RIGHT?

ps, -I miss thinking about you.

-I miss you living down the street.

-I love having a book club and an amazing friendship with you.

-I want our friendship to be better.

-I want you to be happy, so so happy, because I know your not.

-I want us.

show me your sorrows

I can finally breathe.

we'll all be alright..

everything is back to normal, I think.

I do feel better and in a way a little trapped but that is sort of the feeling you are suppose to have. A good feeling of being trapped that is.

I wish he would just feel for her the way she feels for him.

please please please please please please pleaaaasssseeee.

ps, I am starting to think I should stay away from a certain someone, I know he is gonna hurt me I just know it. So why do I let him? How does some guy hurt someone when you have a boyfriend who loves you? How is that possibly? I really think some people were just put on this earth to complicate other peoples lives. 

oh and I got to play with Katy Conti today.

what an interesting little ferret.

single.

I don't know what to say.

I don't even know what to think.

Should I be mad?

Should I keep crying?

What are these weird emotions I have, I'm not suppose to cry in front of people, I cried in front of so many, doesn't that show you a little bit that I do care?

To completely break down, 

to the point where it was hard to breath?

Maybe it's for the best, that you are so blinded by something that you can't see the complete love that radiates off of me and goes straight to you. You never saw that did you?

it's understandable, no one gets the way I feel. ever.

But you know I guess I thought this was different, because it felt different.

What am I suppose to do now?

where?

soon many things will vanish.

when it rains, it pours.

I can feel everything just slipping, sliding down.

my negative tone continues to grow, and lately I don't really care. I don't want to try and make things all good and just peachy because that's just not how I feel.

Lately I just feel mean and annoying.

I feel bugged and very rude.

I would rather just sleep.

And dream of things I can't have, and go to places I'll never see.

And I could always see my two old bestfriends. One who clearly has completely abandoned me, only me, and the other I couldn't tell you where the fuck he might be.

And I'm so sorry, my negative pours out all over your sensitive little self. 

I treat you like crap, over and over and over. And why? 

I don't know.

Do I care?

I don't know.

I feel badly every time I hear the tone in your voice sink lower into a something miserable. And I do hate to be the cause of it. 

I hit you when you are hurt. I hear your complaints and I am the only one who could make your spirits lift, but I don't even try.

Maybe I am just disfunctional.

Maybe I just don't even know how to love a person besides my disgusting self.

Maybe I am just really self centered and am at a period in my life that I really could not care any less.

I do care. So maybe I am simply just a liar.

I lie.

But:

I am so angry with you.

I am so annoyed and fed up with you.

Kiss my hand again.

I don't really think your opinion matters.

come back!! PLEASE!

honestly, Luke, you are the only person I have wanted to actually talk to in the longest time. Even if it was just for five minutes, I would give anything to just let everything out on you. 

WHY AREN'T YOU HERE?

I ask to many questions that will always remain unanswered.

Why do I do that?