Sometimes I wish you were two people, so I'd still have that one person that I can tell everything to.
Because sometimes I want to talk to you about you, about how you make me so upset sometimes..
I don't even know if this makes sense. I just have no one to really talk to, because no one understands better than you. And I hate that.
I don't have any real girlfriends to talk to because I have just become so attached and dependent on only you. And no one else really seems that important to me. And I really don't think you get that..

I didn't even ever think it was possible for me to come to this.
I want myself back. I want to just be me, and just have me and not have to worry about other peoples feelings by making my own decisions.
I want certain people back, but that's too selfish of me right?
I keep telling myself to just have fun. But no one will let me.

I don't want to feel like this, I constantly feel as if I did something wrong, when I know I didn't.
But my head hurts, my body aches, my heart feels like it's close to breaking even though I know this will blow over, it wasn't anything big, it wasn't anything real..but maybe it is the beginning of something real. Which I hate to think about. I don't know what I would do without my bestfriend and my love.
I beg for forgiveness just so I can see you smile because of me instead of glare and remain silent.
How pathetic is love?

I'd break my heart for you.

Oh Bon

There was just so much screaming.
Yells and Cries.
Our faces were red and distorted. Both of our eyes filled.
And then it stopped.
Silence, with a few sniffles thrown in.
We went from screaming to kissing.
In an instant.
You tell me that I'm all you've got.
And I suddenly feel the exact same.

it's become exceedingly difficult to hang out with my friends, and sure, a big part is my fault, but what about the rest?
I always complain about them, but never do anything to fix it because I don't think they would care if I tried.
I wish May 30th would hurry up and get here. And bring that special someone with it.

They don't care and neither do I.
I'm negative.
I can only keep friends who long to be kept by me.
Others just fall away by the way side.
That's just how I am.

Up with your turret
Aren't we just terrified?
Shale, screen your worry from what you won't ever find

Don't let it fool you
Don't let it fool you...down
Down's sitting round, folds in the gown

Sea and the rock below
Cocked to the undertow
Bones blood and teeth erode, with every crashing node

Wings wouldn't help you
Wings wouldn't help you...down
Down fills the ground, gravity's proud

You barely are blinking
Wagging your face around
When'd this just become a mortal home?

Won't, won't, won't, won't

Won't let you talk me
Won't let you talk me…down
Will pull it taut, nothing let out


p.s. A big black bird just banged into my window twice..how ironic.
"wings wouldn't help you, wings wouldn't help you...down"

And

A sigh of relief.

I'm numb.

And so extremely, incredibly, horrifyingly apologetic.

it's strange how small your eyes can look.
Or how packed your mind feels.
When your thoughts are painful.
And dreaming is heartbreaking.
And Reality simply makes you sick.


I love you more than you think, I love you more than you know.
"I can't get out of bed today, or get you off my mind"

this is life.

Hayley

Andy is always to blame
6:54pm
Chelsea
those glares...
6:54pm
Hayley

he envies you
6:55pm
Chelsea
because of my broth? silly cat. broth is for the diseased <33
6:56pm
Hayley

he just wanted a taste!
6:56pm
Chelsea
yeah but hayley! i totally offered it to him by the end, and he just glared some more and pounced off the table.
6:57pm
Hayley

maybe you left a sick taste or something
6:58pm
Chelsea
my taste is always tasty. andy is just bitter that i rejected him the first time.
6:58pm
Hayley

you should have just given him a chance the first time!
6:59pm
Chelsea
... I was being too judgemental, I'll admit to that...
6:59pm
Hayley

you were, and he sensed that
6:59pm
Chelsea
tell him i'm sorry.
he didn't deserve such treatment.
7:00pm
Hayley

he nodded and acknowlegded your apology
7:02pm
Chelsea
i've never felt so relieved!

100 of whatever

1. I like being called pretty

2. I would rather not wear shoes at all

3. I like taking baths

4. I read...a lot

5. I actually get excited about book reports

6. I have a digital camera, a polaroid camera, a fish eye camera, and a film camera, I like pictures

7. I still like to listen to S Club 7

8. I get crazy urges to cut all my hair off

9. I have kissed more than 40 boys

10. I have more than 20 pairs of pants

11. I have eaten full pint cartons of Half Baked ice cream in one sitting

12. I know almost all the lines to Can't Hardly Wait

13. I know all the words to Take It Easy (love nothing) by Bright Eyes and Crooked Stick by Jamie Kennedy

14. I really like musicals

15. I like when people touch my hair

16. I like touching other peoples hair

17. My feet are always cold

18. I think cats are the best

19. I have read all the Harry Potter, Twilight, Gossip Girl, Series of Unfortunate Events, Roald Dahl, and Chronicles of Narnia books

20. I extremely dislike horses

21. I love Edward Norton

22. I have read almost all of Chuck Palahniuk's books (Fight Club, Choke, Survivor, Snuff, Invisible Monsters, Rant, Lullaby, Diary)

23. I have always had a huge crush on Peter Pan, the cartoon

24. I rarely have a bestfriend that's a girl for very long

25. I like Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, and Star Trek, but I hate Star Wars

26. I liked the Twilight movies

27. I have really bad posture and it runs in the family

28. I have a famous uncle and I don't care

29. Usually the presents that I give people are hand made

30. Sometimes I like girls

31. I like oldies music

32. I also like Lady Gaga and Madonna

33. I don't like weed

34. I look like an idiot when I run

35. I like clouds and stars

36. I've never been to a different country

37. I haven't been to the snow since I was a baby, so I don't remember it

38. Sometimes I will write letters to people, but not send them

39. Sexy accents make all guys better looking

40. I think kissing is the best

41. The boy I wanted to marry has gone to juvi 4 times in the past few months

42. I used to really like Missy Elliot

43. I think Andy is the coolest cat

44. I really love the classic Disney movies

45. Cats make me laugh the most

46. Blondes really do have more fun

47. I am always either too hot or too cold

48. Jack White is so super sexy

49. I used to write in a journal all the time, but I don't like to because it hurts my hand to write too much.

50. My first kiss was with a girl

51. I'm always hungry

52. I bring my phone everywhere with me, even to the bathroom

53. I don't like shoes with laces that you have to tie

54. I have little everything, except........ O_O

55. I think I should have been born in the 60's

56. I like making people feel uncomfortable or confused

57. I like to flirt with not the best looking boys, just for fun, they always flirt back

58. I always want to see people fall

59. I like listening to those classic disney movie soundtracks

60. My world would be a wonderland

61. Lady Gaga still sometimes scares me

62. I hate and love Katy Conti at the same time

63. I don't really like frozen yogurt, I don't like how all the ice cream stores are becoming frozen yogurt stores

64. And I hate their dumb names, Yozen Frogurt, Menchies, Pink Berry, Locust...so dumb

65. It freaks me out when people stick their fingers in or around my ears

66. I can't dry swallow any kind of pill

67. I think my teeth are my best feature

68. I'm really lazy..all the time

69. I don't climb things because I'm afraid of not being able to get back down

70. My mom is one of my best friends

71. People say my mom and I are like the same person

72. I have really soft hands and feet

73. Madonna really is incredible

74. I'm 18 and I don't have my license or a job

75. I'd rather stay at home

76. I get a long better with boys

77. I'm allergic to cheap earrings

78. The only jewelry I wear is a very thin little gold ring

79. I can crochet and sew

80. I'm very blunt and negative most of the time

81. I'm trying to smile more

82. My eyes water when I laugh

83. I still like to watch the cartoons on Nick

84. Fight Club......<3

85. I used to be a big fag hag, fruit fly, fagnet..not so much anymore

86. I don't like being close to sweaty people

87. I hate it when my wet hair drips on me

88. I think flossing feels good

89. I'm fragile

90. I have an autistic dog

91. I like watching cats trying to get inside bags

92. My hair comes out really easily

93. I used to collect Calico Critters and when I see them in stores I still want to get them

94. When my hair feels soft I like to brush it against my face

95. I read 2 or more books a month

96. My room can't stay clean for more than two days

97. I will sometimes listen to the Jonas Brothers and Miley Cyrus

98. I used to have pink uggs but now they are a brownish tan color

99. I hate the thought of spiders or any other creepy crawly thing touching my skin

100. I cry when I watch Bambi

Sours

Please do what she wants, be the pussy that you truly are.

She isn't what you want and you end up bowing down and kissing her feet.

I think that you are negative, and act like a dick to cover up the way you are really feeling, that you would bend over backwards for some girl who probably has a list of rules to follow.

It's sad though, you are great. A great guy, a great friend. And you are wasting the "best years of your life" for a girl who puts you down, and takes your freedom.

Don't you want to feel comfortable?

Don't you want to be happy? (which doesn't mean while you are having sex)

If you are so able to put down a beautiful, funny, smart, interesting, great girl, then I don't know what is wrong with you.

Just go kiss your girlfriends ass a little more.

I know you don't read this..

And I really don't think I am able to talk to people about you. They tell me that I should just end it. Because we fight. We get into big fights. We cry. And we hate each other at those times. I saw the way you look at me when we you yell.

Telling me that I am not a good girlfriend. That I do "this" all the time. Like I don't care about you.

I don't right? You left my house. You left me crying. And I wouldn't let you leave me like that. I ran outside. Tears and all. And you think I don't care.

It's like a knife to the heart when I see that you truly think that I just don't care. That you think I would chase after everyone?

http://bookarglenavenue.blogspot.com/

Dear Self,

I continuously torture myself..no...not physically. Mentally? Emotionally? I like riding my idiotic roller coaster. Where the ups and downs seem to balance out. But the downs just make me feel sick.

I take love when I need it and even when I don't, from anyone who is willing..even those who really aren't, they just can't help themselves.

I always wonder whether anything I write even makes sense.

I will pause for an hour and write more and I seem to tangle my words and contradict myself.

I really don't know anymore.

Everyone is confusing. Everyone is confused.

You can no longer be a pussy cat.

yeah.

I don't really know what exactly it is that I want.

I want to get away, but I really want to stay.

I want complete opposites to join together and be mine.

I crave variety, but I need things to stay the same.

Things are about to change.

A complete explosion of differences.

"Get ready Hayley, it's time to grow up."

the musical talents of...

nothing is real.

Sometimes I wish that I could have a friend who would always be there to talk to.

A friend who won't ignore my texts, my calls.

Or when I am having a texting conversation with them they don't just stop texting me back.

For once I would like a friend who doesn't think they are better than I am, or think I am better than them.

Someone to invite me, someone to include me.

And once these things are done..stick to them.

It is the worst when you are folding your oldest, most dearest pair of brown cords when you notice that they are somewhat see through.

They are wearing thin.

Soon a hole will begin to form. And then my butt will show.

Is it bad that I am very very upset about this...

It's almost time to sew in a patch..